I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
