just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
