It's Friday. Sex?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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