I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
