ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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