can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
