Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize