She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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