so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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