One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
