I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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