That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
