i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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