I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize