I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
