omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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