i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i think my cat just said my name.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
