You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
