If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize