So drunk its hurt
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
