I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
