Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
