I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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