i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
