thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize