hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
