brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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