Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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