if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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