ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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