??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
