the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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