I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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