i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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