It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize