I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
