Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
