yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
