drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
