It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
