I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
