You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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