You made me cry and you don't even care
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
