Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
