Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
