I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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