I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
ttyl tear gas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
