Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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