Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
