Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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