P.S. I can't hear my feet
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
