we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
