butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
