Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
