Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
