We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
