loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
