So drunk its hurt
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
