Porn is love you can see.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
