Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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