Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
