Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
