just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
