So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize