I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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