this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
