When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How does it feel to date your dad?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
