***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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