well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
