we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
