do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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