Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
