wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
