Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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